So, yeah, this happened.

Because we’re losers with nothing better to do on a Saturday night than go to court-mandated AA meetings and “the clinic” we decided to watch this drivel. If you’ve ever wondered why gamers aren’t taken seriously, it’s because of shit like this. This is supposed to be our big night, our awards show, and they can’t even give out awards for most of it!

The Video Game AWARDS. 

With hardly any actual, you know, awards.

The world premier trailers are kinda cool, but the stupid skits? The awful writing? The E-list celebrities? For fuck sakes, they rattled off about 10 awards in a 30-second montage, and gave some fucking IDIOT “YouTube celebrity” a 5 minute spot where he blabbered through some incomprehensible shit about trash talking some producer guy about how the awards suck. WHO GREEN LIGHTED THIS SHIT?

And the teabagging? Okay, that shit was kinda funny. 

And of course, the penultimate bullshit was what happened after the Game Of The Year award. Yes, what should have been the end of the show (you know, the big game award of the night) wasn’t the end. Oh no. Instead, we got treated to Kojima where he blabbered through some incomprehensible shit before showing us Devil May Cry Bayonetta 2 Metal Gear Rising: Revengance (is that a joke, by the way?). You know, that Metal Gear game that seems to have NOTHING to do with stealth espionage? Fucking Christ.

Felicia Day did stuff, cause every gamer loves Felicia Day. Some assholes called the Workaholics got way too much screen time. The Orange Goblin himself, Hulk Hogan introed something. And Charlie Fucking Sheen asked where the chicks were. Oh, you so funny Charlie. Cause they were all staying the hell away from this loserfest.

Spike, Geoff Keighley, and anybody else involved with this project should fuck off and be goddam embarassed about the way they’re showcasing the game industry. This kind of shit is why we get continuously fucked over in the media. Why the fuck should they take us seriously when we can’t even take ourselves seriously? 

And why the hell do we even care about this shit?